for continuity; da

Its been awhile since we have had any sort of discourse. Honestly I was hoping you would miss my trivial chatter and wonder where I was, but obviously that’s not happening. I was also hoping for other things regarding others but well theres a reason I used hope and not expect.

So where do I begin. Where do I ever begin is a better question. Is it all an idea that ive come to chase or could it ever manifest itself as being real. I guess that’s the real purpose of all our correspondence, the more I can verbalize it the more in theory I can understand. Although im finding that it seems regardless of how much I actually put to paper the question always stays the same shade of teal.

Perhaps the whole problem reveals itself in the fact that I doubt you ever see this changing. Can you even imagine a time where all these sort of letters would not exist? I think they call that happiness, but im perpetually wrong so who really knows.

I told myself I would wait a week, as if some sort of predetermined amount of time would make things change. A fleeting hope followed on the advice of a few people. It sounded like a grand idea on paper. Sometimes those sorts of things just get pushed to the side while things are taken care of, however, I could never quite follow that rationale. So Thursday came and went and I let the silence continue. Each time telling myself maybe tomorrow around the afternoon, that would be an excellent time to attempt.

At some point though it finally clicked. It wasn’t anything but my foolishness leading me to continue pondering scenarios where silence did not actually equate to being deafening. Clearly it is over and I think I have finally come to terms that its not due to friends or paradoxes or german motor cars. When it comes down to it im just not [adjective] enough.

Its sad that a diagram is necessary for most to even grasp considering how convoluted I make it all out to be. I guess its my own fault for continuing to prolong each shimmer of hope. Tomorrow around the afternoon probably isn’t a good idea afterall.