my hands are full and my iPhone is in my pocket. Maybe you can get it out for me

There are a few things that I seem to value beyond most.  Of course the expected friends and or family would be mentioned here but that just wouldn't be fitting.  No I rather boast about something a bit more loving and caring.  An object that is a bit more shiny and plastic then an intangible and often indescribable sort of feeling.  I'm sure you can guess what I'm hinting at and I don't seem to have to spell it out for you to get the gist.  Reading comprehension 101 will hopefully serve its purpose, something which lohan obviously lacked while perusing the script for i know who killed me.

It seems that for once a tangible piece of nothingness actually is something that draws them in.  I guess this could be argued over whether this is for better or worse but at the moment the coin flip deems it better.  The only thing more ironic then this phenomena is the practice of friendship.  Although the idea of what draws them is something I might never come to terms with it bothers me that the ones I truly care about I hardly see.  

Those two people will most likely read this blog in some iteration somewhere scattered across the internets.  Its times like now that makes me reevaluate whats really important.  Why is it that I seemingly allow myself to float away from certain people, especially when I consider them some of my best friends?  I don't shy away from hanging out with them when the opportunity displays itself but why is it that I don't seem to ever just take the initiative and make sure that I see someone I care about for more then one yearly visit.

Although at times it may seem to mirror it, this is not jail, nor are there bars on my windows.  I believe the real problem of the matter is that maybe I'm worried that deep down if i did see these people more often they would stop caring about me and quickly realize the mistake in being friends with me.  Then again I am also someone who thinks the alvin and a chipmunks movie is a good idea, so my judgement is obviously a bit lacking at times.  

The point is I am a shitty friend to both of you and I need to fix that.  Maybe then I can at the very least feel like hanging out was fun and not just me being a bore, cause I swear I can be fun.  Also this may just stem from wanting to hang out with your friend again.  

If there was a checklist pertaining to me horrible person would adorn it proudly.

you dont want me im not dead yet

Circumstantial evidence points to all things perhaps changing.

Summer's gone and I lost my shoe. Well actually I'm not johnny gourley nor did I lose a shoe, forgive my wit in utilizing a lyric to start out an otherwise contrived work of non fiction.  Regardless as was predicted at the very end you don't want it to end.  Grasping on to thoughts and people like the straw from the hay pile, desperately trying to clutch before the wind blows them away.  But it is inevitable and all things must come to a close.

Some goodbyes were skipped and some were scorned but they are all appreciated in some way that most will never know.  It's ironic how this summer was the worst summer of my life and yet in retrospect when it is brought up in conversation people seem to sway back in forth in a mesmerized manner, almost wishing they were me.  I guess on the surface the fractured outline of the truth does sound quite promising.  A movie, a video store, the radio, piermont.  All almost unobtainable in thought to achieve in one summer as if the holy grail of some sort of media trifecta was achieved.

Which leads me to the question.  Was piermonts pull perhaps actually a good thing?  As degrading and infuriating one can be while dealing with and understanding the type of people who dwell there I cant seem but get a sense of calming understanding.  Not in any way that makes any sort of relevant or tangible sense.  The people there as a whole still practice their better then everyone attitude coupled with their infectious taste for the grand.  All I know is that worse things could have happened to me this summer then piermont.  The dinosaur cup on my desk is affirmation of that.

parent trap 07

placeholder for the proper time of a thought out blog.

two. not three.

Is it jealousy, pure disdain, or just a constant parallel?

sudoku is pronounced sudoku

There are often many things that I have a tendency to reminisce about. As I sit here on this dirty floor in piermont listening to my pretentious music all I can seem to do is think.

At what point is it truly acceptable to just throw in the towel and give up. Admitting defeat is something that everyone must deal with regardless of how society seems to shun such a thought. In a world where we grow up being dazzled of stories about little triumphant trains that persevered and mocked the idea of ever quitting, what sort of message is truly being taught?

Is not striving or doing everything absolutely in your power to excel and forward the dream really that bad? Failure is something that isn't really taught as much as it is earned. You have to strive and fight in order to get to the point where you can even fail.

Failure is a given. So why is it then that we go to such great lengths in order to avoid what is just inevitable. There is no reason to be that one person childish and naive clutching on to their dreams as if just the hope alone will guide them to safety.

There are only so many things one can do and change in order to achieve some sort of cruel goal. Only so many revisions that can be done while the remainder continues unaffected as a constant.

Maybe its time to truly accept what Ive always known to be true.